Why It’s Never Alright To Wear Green Trousers

Of late I’ve been going through a series of crises; obviously the most rescindent of them all is what is going to be trendy when it comes to the Summer months that it’s acceptable to show pasty morsels of flabby skin. So I decided to get my act together, travel a number of miles to one of Britain’s biggest shopping centres to see what fun things would offend my eyes. 

And one thing has struck me as so bizarre that I ended up repeating it again and again until my tongue fell out and my eyes turned into giant flawless diamonds with the pressure of the rage I was feeling. That thing?. Green trousers. 

We all know coloured denim and chinos have been doing the round over the past few months, moreso for womenswear than menswear, and like most womenswear trends lead, menswear follows like a puppy; albeit a diabetic puppy thats being led by its owner who’s clutching a Snickers and a maddening glint in his eye. 

Blue, yes, fine. You can’t wrong with many shades of blue (the only exception being sky blue). Red, possibly, we’ve all seen lookatmyfuckingredtrousers.blogspot.com/ where someone has collected many pictures of people in red trousers with hilarious captions underneath. It was funny to begin with. Autumnal shades like brown/mustard/teal, fair enough. But what really took the biscuit today was almost every shop stocking some form of green.


Who wears green? Only fucking elves and people who play golf, that’s who fucking wears green trousers. 

Pack it in fashion! Just stop it.