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No, not Vodafone, but only the bladdy Apprentice isn’t it?

After last week’s disastrous trip to Edinburgh, Lord Sugar decided to take things back to basics and put the most famous Yuppies since Gordon Gecko in charge of a market stall. Like what Delboy and Rodney did to much success. Only this time, there was no Trigger. Which is a shame because that would’ve made this episode of The Apprentice rather entertaining. Instead of stressing about what products to buy and in what quantities, having Adam falling through a bar would’ve been much better. 

But us wishing that Only Fools and Horses was as popular as it was in it’s heyday isn’t what you’re here for, so pop in those earplugs, start chewing a sweet because things are going to get a little choppy. 

  1. Nick Holzherr, who came dressed as David Mitchell in the 90s, took charge of Team [insert generic aspiration noun here] and kept his hair expertly ruffled as well as Ricky Martin, who was about to throw some Macho Man Randy Savage moves in the middle of Lakeside, under control. 
  2. Fake tan sells really well. Now we understand how Lauren Goodger manages to pay for all those Lipsy dresses. 
  3. Nick is the third most famous Apprentice Nick (after Nicholas de Lacey Brown and Nick, of ‘Karren and Nick’. 
  4. Just like a child repeating the same word to their mother, Azhar asking for what the strategy was get irritating very fast. Unfortunately Azhar was too big to be sent to his room without any supper. Instead Lord Sugar decided to fire him and send him on his merry little way. We salute you, Azhar, for making us add the Funky Squat to our daily regimes. Rosemary Conley is waiting in the wings. 
  5. Someone ring Anna Wintour because seeing Karren Brady dressed as Grand Duchess Anastasia shows us that looking like murdered Russian royalty in a Cash and Carry looks totes amaze balls. 
  6. When people rhyme ‘tan’ unintentionally it makes us really miss TV Burp and Dictionary Corner. 
  7. Somehow Jade managed to scrape through without being eliminated, even though she probably should have been. When you’re faced with proper business terms like ‘strategy’ and ‘synergenesis’ it’s hard to hold your own, mainly because ‘synergenesis’ isn’t an actual word, but she did pull it off. She probably should have been fired and kicked out onto the street for not commiserating Azhar, but at least we know what a complete bitch she is now. 

It wouldn’t be a Wagging Finger Of Shame look at The Apprentice if there wasn’t a terse summing up from @kriswould, so here goes!

After successfully selling fake tan to the people of Essex, Lord Sugar has called off the ‘piss up in a brewery’ task.