Fashion is one of the most frustrating things I’ve ever come across. As generalisations go, that might be one of the most sweeping that I’ve ever uttered, but I’ve just seen something that is stupid, so impractical, and so infuriating that I can’t stay silent any longer. And what’s got me blinded with fashion rage?


For those of you who don’t know (and have a life that I now yearn for), Mantyhose are pantyhose for men. Also known as brosiery and guylons. Each as soul destroying as the last. Fucking brosiery. Who would go into a shop, catch the eye of a perfectly coiffed attendant (it’s probably going to be Topman, which makes it even worse) and whisper under your breath “Haveyougotanybrosiery?” At first they’ll pretend that they wouldn’t have heard you, because all Topman staff are swollen glans, but before long you’ll be walking out with your Mantyhose stuffed into a brown paper bag. Much like an alcoholic hides his booze, or a Twilight fan hides their eventual journey over to the Harry Potter side of the street. 

Pantyhose/hosiery/nylons are fine for women, they have some need for them. Because wearing socks with a pencil skirt makes you look right mental. What are men supposed to do with them? Wear them like trousers a la Madonna’s new video? Or wear them under a smart pair of shorts (smart shorts being the impractical trend that is thrusted upon us year after year remember)? 

Someone needs to tell us because before long someone is going to wear them and look like he was rejected from Silence Of The Lambs for being too authentic.